I am doing something today that I have never done before on my blog. I'm choosing to re post something I wrote long ago with hopes that it is helpful to one or more today.
My reason for doing this is that I have recently been approached by a few people who are just beginning their adoption journey and have asked me to share some of my experiences with them. One of the gals asked about people's reactions to my decision to adopt and the following post immediately came to mind. I remember taking a really long time to originally write this post and at times even questioned if ever would. It was hard to write. It was hard because the subject and content of it led me to relive and attempt to put into words pieces of my heart. It brought back a myriad of emotions as it did today as I reread it for the first time in a few years.
The bottom line is that I am very thankful for the response and reactions that each person had when I shared my desire to adopt Hannah. Even though at the time I didn't understand all of them, in time I did and am thankful for those responses. I'm thankful that my family and friends love me enough to be open, truthful and caring with their responses, both then and now.
Before I share the post want to hear 2 really cool things???
1. When I looked back today I realized for the very first time that this post was originally published the day after my file was logged in China! I didn't know that at the time but looking back today it gave me goose bumps!
2. Some of Hannah's very biggest fans are those who most cautiously guarded their initial response to me. How amazing to see how in time, the perfect time for them, they came around and now like me, cannot imagine a single second of their life without Hannah in it!! SO COOL!!!
**Original post from March 24, 2006**
This morning while my friend Carol and I were out for a walk, we
began discussing my adoption journey (no surprise here!) and all that
had transpired over the past 14 months.
She brought up something really insightful that I've thought about but had not talked about here yet.
What
Carol and I talked about was people's reactions to my news that I was
adopting. Some jumped on board right away while others took probably
close to a year to fully come on board. I was surprised by both. Some
people who I thought would immediately be as excited as I was, were more
reserved in their reaction. Others who I thought would need time to
grasp the idea were ready to start knitting pink sweaters Day 1.
What
I want to share is that over this year+, I've realized that each
person's reaction was exactly right for them. An honest, open reaction
from their heart.
If they were reserved, was it because they disagreed with my decision? Probably not. Was it because they didn't understand? No.
It
was because they love me. They love me so much that they didn't want to
see me hurt should the adoption not happen. They wanted to somehow
protect me from hurt and for that I am very thankful to each of them. If
I was honest I'd say that I was often hurt (in a different way) by the
'reserved' reactions but only because at the time I didn't understand.
It's taken me a long time to fully grasp why (I think) people react in
different ways.
Becoming a Mother was something people
knew I wanted to do someday but the thoughts I'd had, researching done
and prayers offered up about the possibility adopting from China, was
something I had only shared with 1 person. And, that discussion had only
happened one time and I hadn't mentioned it to her again to the best of
my knowledge. Me, who spills everything to everyone, had kept this
silent thought and prayer deep inside. Because of this, when I announced
what my intentions were, people took time to adjust. Some took 5 seconds.
Some 5 months and others an entire year. And that's OK. I'd had years
to prepare myself and yet I was asking them to grasp it immediately and
fall in love with the idea in an instant. I didn't realize it at the
time, but my expectations were way out of line. Just as I had taken
years to make this decision, they needed time to adjust to it too.
As
you can tell by this blog, I'm not one to hide my heart. (Truth be
told, I probably offer it out too much.) For me, I want to share what's
happening. Do I get hurt? Yes...but don't we all. I put my heart out
and sometimes it gets trampled. When that happens I pick up the pieces
and with God's help move forward, hopefully a better person for what
I've learned.
What I have learned is that putting my
heart out is how God has made me and I'm happy I'm this way. The good
that happens far outweighs the bad. I'm willing to risk it.
I
guess, all of this is to share with those who may be new to the
adoption journey, that you will receive many different reactions to your
news. Please don't judge people by their reactions. Sometimes it will
shock you. Sometimes hurt and sometimes you'll be pleasantly surprised!
Whenever
you decide to share your wonderful news with family and friends,
prepare your heart for a variety of reactions. It's going to be OK.
Will it hurt? Sometimes. Will it bring joy? Often. I've been told by
many wonderful friends who have already completed their adoptions that
the minute people lay eyes on your beautiful daughter they're all there
for you! I am so very, very thankful that this has already happened in
my life.
Adoption is an emotional roller coaster (or
'Stroller Coaster') and the bumps and turns begin Day 1. Hang on and
let's enjoy the ride together!
). When it was over I mentioned to Hannah that I thought I’d heard someone at the door.
