I am doing something today that I have never done before on my blog. I'm choosing to re post something I wrote long ago with hopes that it is helpful to one or more today.
My reason for doing this is that I have recently been approached by a few people who are just beginning their adoption journey and have asked me to share some of my experiences with them. One of the gals asked about people's reactions to my decision to adopt and the following post immediately came to mind. I remember taking a really long time to originally write this post and at times even questioned if ever would. It was hard to write. It was hard because the subject and content of it led me to relive and attempt to put into words pieces of my heart. It brought back a myriad of emotions as it did today as I reread it for the first time in a few years.
The bottom line is that I am very thankful for the response and reactions that each person had when I shared my desire to adopt Hannah. Even though at the time I didn't understand all of them, in time I did and am thankful for those responses. I'm thankful that my family and friends love me enough to be open, truthful and caring with their responses, both then and now.
Before I share the post want to hear 2 really cool things???
1. When I looked back today I realized for the very first time that this post was originally published the day after my file was logged in China! I didn't know that at the time but looking back today it gave me goose bumps!
2. Some of Hannah's very biggest fans are those who most cautiously guarded their initial response to me. How amazing to see how in time, the perfect time for them, they came around and now like me, cannot imagine a single second of their life without Hannah in it!! SO COOL!!!
**Original post from March 24, 2006**
This morning while my friend Carol and I were out for a walk, we
began discussing my adoption journey (no surprise here!) and all that
had transpired over the past 14 months.
She brought up something really insightful that I've thought about but had not talked about here yet.
What
Carol and I talked about was people's reactions to my news that I was
adopting. Some jumped on board right away while others took probably
close to a year to fully come on board. I was surprised by both. Some
people who I thought would immediately be as excited as I was, were more
reserved in their reaction. Others who I thought would need time to
grasp the idea were ready to start knitting pink sweaters Day 1.
What
I want to share is that over this year+, I've realized that each
person's reaction was exactly right for them. An honest, open reaction
from their heart.
If they were reserved, was it because they disagreed with my decision? Probably not. Was it because they didn't understand? No.
It
was because they love me. They love me so much that they didn't want to
see me hurt should the adoption not happen. They wanted to somehow
protect me from hurt and for that I am very thankful to each of them. If
I was honest I'd say that I was often hurt (in a different way) by the
'reserved' reactions but only because at the time I didn't understand.
It's taken me a long time to fully grasp why (I think) people react in
different ways.
Becoming a Mother was something people
knew I wanted to do someday but the thoughts I'd had, researching done
and prayers offered up about the possibility adopting from China, was
something I had only shared with 1 person. And, that discussion had only
happened one time and I hadn't mentioned it to her again to the best of
my knowledge. Me, who spills everything to everyone, had kept this
silent thought and prayer deep inside. Because of this, when I announced
what my intentions were, people took time to adjust. Some took 5 seconds.
Some 5 months and others an entire year. And that's OK. I'd had years
to prepare myself and yet I was asking them to grasp it immediately and
fall in love with the idea in an instant. I didn't realize it at the
time, but my expectations were way out of line. Just as I had taken
years to make this decision, they needed time to adjust to it too.
As
you can tell by this blog, I'm not one to hide my heart. (Truth be
told, I probably offer it out too much.) For me, I want to share what's
happening. Do I get hurt? Yes...but don't we all. I put my heart out
and sometimes it gets trampled. When that happens I pick up the pieces
and with God's help move forward, hopefully a better person for what
I've learned.
What I have learned is that putting my
heart out is how God has made me and I'm happy I'm this way. The good
that happens far outweighs the bad. I'm willing to risk it.
I
guess, all of this is to share with those who may be new to the
adoption journey, that you will receive many different reactions to your
news. Please don't judge people by their reactions. Sometimes it will
shock you. Sometimes hurt and sometimes you'll be pleasantly surprised!
Whenever
you decide to share your wonderful news with family and friends,
prepare your heart for a variety of reactions. It's going to be OK.
Will it hurt? Sometimes. Will it bring joy? Often. I've been told by
many wonderful friends who have already completed their adoptions that
the minute people lay eyes on your beautiful daughter they're all there
for you! I am so very, very thankful that this has already happened in
my life.
Adoption is an emotional roller coaster (or
'Stroller Coaster') and the bumps and turns begin Day 1. Hang on and
let's enjoy the ride together!
Showing posts with label Adoption Preparation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Adoption Preparation. Show all posts
Friday, December 09, 2011
Monday, January 11, 2010
5 Years Ago Today My Life Was Changed Forever!!!
I was on vacation with my friend Sharon in Burnaby, British Columbia. She was there to conduct piano exams and I was there to enjoy a beautiful city!
Little did I know that morning after saying good-bye to her what God had planned for me! I remember sitting on the bed reading my Bible and praying when it happened. God spoke to my heart and said that I should pursue adopting a precious baby girl from China! It was something I had thought about in the past, looked into and prayed about but those other times I had always allowed the challenge of the finances to scare me off. This time it was different as that little nudge in my heart grew and grew and I truly believed that I should do this!
January 2005 was before I owned a laptop so I made my way to an Internet Cafe across from the hotel and began looking into adopting from China. I discovered that there were 3 agencies in Ontario that facilitated adoptions from China and began to contact them. (In the coming weeks I would be told by all 3 of them that their singles quotas were full and that it would probably be 3-5 YEARS before I could even go on a waiting list. Yikes!! Little did I know at that time but one agency would have room for me to go on their singles waiting list before January would be over! God is SO good!!)
Returning to January 11, 2005, I spent much of that day praying about this decision, surfing the net, wandering the mall attached to the hotel which was full of beautiful Asian babies as Vancouver has a large Asian population and, praying about what God had planned for me. From the very start I wanted this entire adoption to be given to God and I was following His leading.
When Sharon returned home from work that day I shocked her when she asked how my day was. I said, 'Great!! I'm going to adopt a baby from China!!!' Her first response was, 'Have you called your mother?' :o) I hadn't but I did call Mom and Dad the next day and when I shared the exciting news with them they were both on board 100% and mom confessed that she had thought about this for me and had been praying about it. I love that!!
I took a look back to see what pictures I might have taken that day and was surprised by what I found...and smiled! What had I done January 11th? I'd bought flowers to brighten our hotel room! How fun is that as once my file had been logged in China for 6 months, it was flowers I chose to purchase each month to celebrate my Hannah~versary!
It's 5 years later and I now have my precious Hannah home with me and God has led every step of the way! While it might have taken much longer than I imagined, it happened in God's perfect time as Hannah is the child He had prepared for me. I am amazingly blessed to have this beautiful little girl as my daughter....a match prepared in Heaven!!
Little did I know that morning after saying good-bye to her what God had planned for me! I remember sitting on the bed reading my Bible and praying when it happened. God spoke to my heart and said that I should pursue adopting a precious baby girl from China! It was something I had thought about in the past, looked into and prayed about but those other times I had always allowed the challenge of the finances to scare me off. This time it was different as that little nudge in my heart grew and grew and I truly believed that I should do this!
January 2005 was before I owned a laptop so I made my way to an Internet Cafe across from the hotel and began looking into adopting from China. I discovered that there were 3 agencies in Ontario that facilitated adoptions from China and began to contact them. (In the coming weeks I would be told by all 3 of them that their singles quotas were full and that it would probably be 3-5 YEARS before I could even go on a waiting list. Yikes!! Little did I know at that time but one agency would have room for me to go on their singles waiting list before January would be over! God is SO good!!)
Returning to January 11, 2005, I spent much of that day praying about this decision, surfing the net, wandering the mall attached to the hotel which was full of beautiful Asian babies as Vancouver has a large Asian population and, praying about what God had planned for me. From the very start I wanted this entire adoption to be given to God and I was following His leading.
When Sharon returned home from work that day I shocked her when she asked how my day was. I said, 'Great!! I'm going to adopt a baby from China!!!' Her first response was, 'Have you called your mother?' :o) I hadn't but I did call Mom and Dad the next day and when I shared the exciting news with them they were both on board 100% and mom confessed that she had thought about this for me and had been praying about it. I love that!!
I took a look back to see what pictures I might have taken that day and was surprised by what I found...and smiled! What had I done January 11th? I'd bought flowers to brighten our hotel room! How fun is that as once my file had been logged in China for 6 months, it was flowers I chose to purchase each month to celebrate my Hannah~versary!
It's 5 years later and I now have my precious Hannah home with me and God has led every step of the way! While it might have taken much longer than I imagined, it happened in God's perfect time as Hannah is the child He had prepared for me. I am amazingly blessed to have this beautiful little girl as my daughter....a match prepared in Heaven!!
Friday, November 11, 2005
Great Visit with Social Worker
I'm happy to say that the visit with the Social Worker (SW) was great! (Phew!!!) I was ready to go but oh so nervous. Even I, who likes to talk, wondered what we were going to talk about that would take 3 hours this week and the same amount of time next week. Did I have that much to say? Yes! (I'm sure none of you are surprised!)
I was ready around 8:00am for our 8:30 visit, coffee was brewing and cinnamon buns were baking (oh no....burning!) in the oven. (Hey, I'm a master chef at cooking up these morsels. I can pop that can with the best of them but this time they burned! Oh well, nothing a sharp knife to cut off the bottoms and a candle to try to eliminate the smokey smell couldn't hurt. Guess I was nervous...I can normally do these in my sleep...practice makes perfect and I've practiced a lot!) If you want me to come teach a Pillsbury cooking class to you just let me know. Cinnamon buns, sliced cookies, and my own personal favourite...open a package of frozen cookies, place on tray and bake. You name it, I can usually bake it. Yup...that's me...Ontario's own Martha Stewart!
OK - now to get back to what you're really interested in:
The SW arrived right on time and we quickly got to work. He plugged in his laptop and we began to chat. I handed over my police check, RCMP check, fingerprints, Notice of Assessment and we listed my assets vs. liabilities and signed off the paper with him stating that I agree to work with him as a SW acting on my behalf with the Ontario Government. Basically, lots of legal stuff to begin with.
After that it was a wonderful trip down memory lane. We discussed myself, my parents, brothers, education, medical history, educational history, my jobs, what did I like to do for fun. Just a ton of things, many that I hadn't thought about in a long time but that made me smile.
Towards the end of the morning he looked through the house (Yeah! All that cleaning was worth it!) and then discussed what we'll talk about next week:
- International adoption
- Potential problems of adopting a child who has been in an orphanage
- My parenting plan
- Support system of family and friends
- Initial thoughts/plans re: daycare
- Support systems available in my area for potential physical/emotional needs the child may have (Sick Kids Hospital is in Toronto and there's a clinic in Mississauga that specializes in internationally adopted children)
It seems we're more than half way through the homestudy and just have next week's visit + a few references to receive and we'll have my homestudy finished. We're hoping it will be done by the end of November and so far that looks like a reasonable target.
In my 'ideal plan' I'd really like to see it go to the Ontario Government for their approval as early in December as possible. With more holidays than normal during Christmas & New Year's, I'm guessing approvals will slow down. Lately it seems referrals are running about 9 months from the time a file is logged into China until the referral is received. If the time frames remain similar to what's happening now, I'm thinking it may be early in 2007 when I will travel to China with my parents to get precious baby Hannah! In some ways that seems like forever yet I'm sure the time will fly!
Thank you for your continued interest and prayers in this wonderful journey! I am so happy to be able to share this with you and am encouraged daily by people asking me how things are going. Please feel free to ask and also to ask any questions you may have. I've learned so much and I like nothing more than sharing with you. If you have a question...ask away! You can email me (link is to the right of this post) or ask a question in the comments section.
One more big step towards mommyhood....CHECK!
I was ready around 8:00am for our 8:30 visit, coffee was brewing and cinnamon buns were baking (oh no....burning!) in the oven. (Hey, I'm a master chef at cooking up these morsels. I can pop that can with the best of them but this time they burned! Oh well, nothing a sharp knife to cut off the bottoms and a candle to try to eliminate the smokey smell couldn't hurt. Guess I was nervous...I can normally do these in my sleep...practice makes perfect and I've practiced a lot!) If you want me to come teach a Pillsbury cooking class to you just let me know. Cinnamon buns, sliced cookies, and my own personal favourite...open a package of frozen cookies, place on tray and bake. You name it, I can usually bake it. Yup...that's me...Ontario's own Martha Stewart!
OK - now to get back to what you're really interested in:
The SW arrived right on time and we quickly got to work. He plugged in his laptop and we began to chat. I handed over my police check, RCMP check, fingerprints, Notice of Assessment and we listed my assets vs. liabilities and signed off the paper with him stating that I agree to work with him as a SW acting on my behalf with the Ontario Government. Basically, lots of legal stuff to begin with.
After that it was a wonderful trip down memory lane. We discussed myself, my parents, brothers, education, medical history, educational history, my jobs, what did I like to do for fun. Just a ton of things, many that I hadn't thought about in a long time but that made me smile.
Towards the end of the morning he looked through the house (Yeah! All that cleaning was worth it!) and then discussed what we'll talk about next week:
- International adoption
- Potential problems of adopting a child who has been in an orphanage
- My parenting plan
- Support system of family and friends
- Initial thoughts/plans re: daycare
- Support systems available in my area for potential physical/emotional needs the child may have (Sick Kids Hospital is in Toronto and there's a clinic in Mississauga that specializes in internationally adopted children)
It seems we're more than half way through the homestudy and just have next week's visit + a few references to receive and we'll have my homestudy finished. We're hoping it will be done by the end of November and so far that looks like a reasonable target.
In my 'ideal plan' I'd really like to see it go to the Ontario Government for their approval as early in December as possible. With more holidays than normal during Christmas & New Year's, I'm guessing approvals will slow down. Lately it seems referrals are running about 9 months from the time a file is logged into China until the referral is received. If the time frames remain similar to what's happening now, I'm thinking it may be early in 2007 when I will travel to China with my parents to get precious baby Hannah! In some ways that seems like forever yet I'm sure the time will fly!
Thank you for your continued interest and prayers in this wonderful journey! I am so happy to be able to share this with you and am encouraged daily by people asking me how things are going. Please feel free to ask and also to ask any questions you may have. I've learned so much and I like nothing more than sharing with you. If you have a question...ask away! You can email me (link is to the right of this post) or ask a question in the comments section.
One more big step towards mommyhood....CHECK!
Tuesday, September 06, 2005
Officially Registered with Open Arms!
I received a letter in the mail today from Deborah at Open Arms to International Adoption officially welcoming me into the adoption process with her agency acting on my behalf! Yeah! Another step ~ check! :o)
Each agency handles the adoption process differently. With Open Arms I was not required to officially register with them and pay the registration fee until I'd received 'The Call' advising me that as a single, it was my time to begin my adoption process.
Sidenote: Couples can normally begin as soon as an agency accepts them whereas singles have a bit of a wait. Thankfully for me this wait was very, very short! Other singles in Canada and the US are sometimes being given an estimated date of 2009 when they will be able to begin their adoption process!! This may change in time but for now it is the current situation due to China's restriction on adoptions by singles. Approx. 3.5 years ago China restricted it's adopions by singles to 8% of it's babies so therefore I needed to wait my turn in a line of singles considering adopting. I praise God that He allowed me to receive my call in such a short period of time!
So, even though I'd orignally been told by Deborah on May 30th that I could begin my home study and paperchase I had not registered with them until I mailed my form in last week. As mentioned previously, (see A New Adventure...My Adoption Blog) I'd put the adoption on hold in mid-June, seeking God's confirmation to proceed or not. It was, and continues to be, all in His hands. Daily I commit my adoption journey to Him, seeking God's Will in this process. It is only with Him that I can do this.
'In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice;in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation. ' Psalm 5:3
Praying and trusting Him as I move forward 1 step at a time.
Friday, August 19, 2005
Calling 'Open Arms'
Well, today I made 'the call' to Deborah at my agency, Open Arms to International Adoption. Open Arms
Deborah was happy to hear that I've decided to go ahead with the adoption and told me that my spot is still available just as she said it would be! I'm so excited! There is 1 other single ahead of me who is also working on her homestudy. Deborah also told me that she has 4 dossiers for singles that she will be sending to China shortly! Just think, in a few short months it will be my dossier that is ready to go! I can hardly stand it!! Until then I have a lot of paperwork, studying and preparation to do. Let the paperchase begin!
Deborah was happy to hear that I've decided to go ahead with the adoption and told me that my spot is still available just as she said it would be! I'm so excited! There is 1 other single ahead of me who is also working on her homestudy. Deborah also told me that she has 4 dossiers for singles that she will be sending to China shortly! Just think, in a few short months it will be my dossier that is ready to go! I can hardly stand it!! Until then I have a lot of paperwork, studying and preparation to do. Let the paperchase begin!
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