An Open Letter to Family and Friends

Dear Family and Friends,

As I prepare for the arrival of Hannah, I have learned that while decorating the nursery and stocking up on baby essentials is important, even more important is the emotional health of my baby. In her short life (8 months today!), my daughter will have gone through more changes and life altering experiences than most adults could handle. Imagine how much harder the changes will be for her. While she may not consciously remember the events, she will still experience immense loss, including feelings of grief and trauma. Currently she is very attached to her nanny and next week that precious woman will place her in my arms and Hannah will deeply feel the loss of her in her life. She's already experienced the loss of her birthmother and will soon experience the loss of familiar and comforting caretakers as well as the sights, smells, and language of her birth country. Her world will turn upside down. She will struggle with feeling safe and secure and she may lack the ability to trust that I will meet her needs.

I am prepared to meet her emotional needs so that she learns that I will always take care of her and I will always keep her safe. I covet your prayers for Hannah and I as she learns to trust me and pray that her little heart opens up to love me as her Mom.

I also need your support. In order to form a strong and healthy attachment I will allow her to regress so that she has the opportunity to go through all of the emotional stages with me despite her chronological age. Although it may appear that I am spoiling her, I have been advised that it is best that I meet every need quickly and consistently. Until she has learned that I am her parent, I will need to be her primary caretaker at all times. It is essential that I always hold Hannah, feed her, and do all of the nurturing. You may wonder how long this will take, but the timeline is different for every child. I will follow her lead and trust my instincts as her parent rather than worry about what society expects.

We have all been waiting anxiously for Hannah to arrive but she has not been waiting for us. She may show her grief and confusion in many ways and I am prepared to help her through it and prove that she and I are a forever family and this truly is her last stop. I trust that as my family and friends you will help me to do what is best for my daughter, and I thank you in advance for your support and understanding.

Love, Catherine

(For more attachment information I recommend going to: A4everFamily.org)

Hannah's Nursery!!!

The finishing touches are all in place and I am finally ready to share Hannah's nursery with you!

Her actual nursery has a toddler bed in it which she will use later. In the beginning I'm going to start with having her in my room. She will never have slept on her own so it would be quite difficult on her to be placed in a room on her own and I'm also hoping that her being able to wake up and see me there will help with the attachment and bonding we'll be building together. When she's ready I'll move her in here and if she's still in her crib the toddler bed will be moved to the basement for a while.

A sneak in a tiny pic of the 'before' so you'll see where it's come from with a lot of help from Mark, Michelle, Joy and my Dad. Can you tell I prefer to work with others rather than alone?




Without further adieu I give you Hannah's nursery!

A little train made by Auntie Doris.

Wall Words that didn't quite end up like I'd expected so I'm calling them Wall Whispers. They say, 'Such a big miracle in such a little girl' Love that!! (Open the picture and squint real hard and you may see her wall words :o)




Thanks for your help everyone! Together we have created a beautiful, peaceful room for Hannah!

There's A Crib In My Room!!!

Wow! Mark and Michelle were over a few weeks ago and they helped me prepare for Hannah to come home. One of the exciting moments of the day was when we put Hannah's crib together in my room!!

Reading the instructions
When Mark brought this piece up from the basement and placed it against the wall I began to cry. He's like, 'What's wrong? No crying! Miiicccchhhhheelle!!' LOL! Just seeing the crib begin to take shape after having been in the basement in a box for over 3 years, was a little overwhelming. Heh...sorry Mark.
Work in progress
The finished crib
Hannah's name on the wall

Wow....this is the crib where my daughter will sleep!
Thanks for all your help Mark and Michelle!!

Oh! So This Is Nesting!!

When I was talking with my friend Carol tonight she finally helped me pin down what my current state of mind is....I'm nesting! :o) I've heard it happens to pregnant women late in their pregnancy and I'm now realizing that it happens to adoptive moms too...and it's happened to me!! Suddenly, when I should be packing like a mad woman and making sure everything for my trip is ready before leaving for China (in just 12 days!!!), I'm cleaning cupboards, drawers and closets like there's no tomorrow! In about 75% of the house, every closet, cupboard and corner has been emptied, tidied and cleaned. Last Saturday I even tackled the garage which had only been done once in the 12 years I've lived here.

What's the problem you ask? Well, it's that much of the 'stuff' that has been removed from it's normal place of habitation has been moved into the hallways upstairs and down. (Oh, and packing for Hannah and I for our trip is started but is nowhere near finished!! You'd think I'd be focused on that...nope. Not yet, but SOON!)

In the past I was able to freely walk from the main floor to my bedroom in the dark, knowing the exact path by heart and not really having to think about it. Now, not so much!! There are bins of clothing, a vacuum, toys and more filling my well-known path and walking it in the dark threatens bruised shins and purple stubbed toes! I know I should be packing but oh, cleaning the house is giving such a sense of accomplishment too! This is the home Hannah will come home to and when she's here I'm going to want to be with her, not cleaning out closets. (I have left my room partially because it's too much to handle right now and partially because it will be a good room to work on while Hannah is napping as I plan to stay close while she sleeps.)

So, it's a wonderful, fun time of nesting. I sometimes question my timing when I wake up in the morning and plan my 'To Do' list but at the same time, it feels amazing to open a cupboard without the fear of things falling onto my feet. Yes - it was sometimes that bad!

So, for now I nest, clean, pack, dream, giggle, gaze at pictures of Hannah and pray. Yes, my plate is full but I wouldn't want it any other way! I'M PREPARING TO BRING MY BABY HOME!!!!!!!!!!

A couple of other notes:
1. I know you're excited to see Hannah's nursery and it's almost done....like 99% done so I hope to post pics early this coming week. Thank you for your patience and encouragement to share in the fun. I love her room and often stand in the doorway and just gaze into it...and dream!

2. I am terribly behind in blog reading and am sorry that I'm not commenting more. I'm trying to read but not commenting often. Thanks for understanding friends.

Now...gotta fly! There is more nesting to be done! LOL!

A Treasure In My 'In Box'!!!

I was checking my in box this morning when I received an email from Ann at Red Thread China. My parent's ordered a Mooncake Care Package last evening to be sent to Hannah so I wasn't too surprised to see something from Ann. Thought it might just be a follow-up confirming their order.

You can imagine my delight and surprise when it was updated information about my sweet baby girl!! Included in her original care package I had asked the Director some questions but it didn't even cross my mind that I might receive the answers before we meet. I was shaking when I realized what I was about to read!

I found out the name of her nanny and that Hannah is very attached to her. Thanking God for this as it is something I pray for often - that she will be loved and attach to those who are caring for her now. I know that many of you have been praying this for her too and I thank you! God is answering our prayers and I am praising Him!!

They also shared the names of the 3 babies that share her room in the orphanage and are her friends.

Her feeding schedule and some of her daily routines were also included. She wakes up at 6:30am and likes a bath before her bottle and breakfast. Guess my work alarm will happily be replaced by a new one that wakes me about the same time. :o) Cannot wait to make that switch and also to have a great amount of time at home to get to know my sweet baby girl before returning to work.

Her personality is outgoing, active and smart. She loves to sleep in her rock chair (might need to go to 'Once Upon A Child' and see if I can find a 2nd hand one of those) and, she loves her musical toy. I have a few of those so it's all good. They also said, 'if someone take her toy away from her hand she will be very upset.' That's ok sweetie. Mommy won't take your toys away but am pretty sure your cousin Makenna might have different thoughts about that. Oh how I cannot wait to see the two of you together!!

There was one part of her update that made me smile and at the same time gave me goose bumps. I love this!! 'When she is not happy, give her some toys or hold her. She loves to be holded'!! My girl is a cuddler and I am thrilled to hear this!!! Once again, this is something I have prayed about time and time again.

Lord, thank you for this precious gift of more information about my sweet baby girl. As my Grandma loves to say, 'Each new day holds some lovely secret waiting to unfold.' Today's secret was updates on Hannah and I've had a smile on my face ever since!! God is SO GOOD to provide this gift of information today!

We've Only Just Begun.....

Finally, the day arrived. I had avoided it as long as I could. I woke up knowing that yesterday was Day 1. I was overwhelmed. I was scared. I wanted to pull the covers over my head and just wish that it would go away. I wanted to twitch my nose like Samantha on Bewitched but knew that finally I must gather all my courage together and face what I had created. What was this daunting task you ask?

Tidying what is to become Hannah's nursery!!! I'm guessing one glance at this picture helps you understand why I was completely overwhelmed!! I didn't know where to begin but I also have some amazing friends!!

My friend Joy had offered numerous times to come and help me and finally last week I swallowed my pride and decided to take her up on her generous offer. When I emailed her to ask if she'd come over one evening to help out she couldn't say 'yes' fast enough and even offered more than one evening!

Last night at 6:00 we began the daunting task and before 9:00 had made a big dent in tidying Hannah's room. This is a pic of Joy and some of what we moved out of the room. With the exception of the collection that Joy is standing by, the rest was gone before she left. Some was garbage, some stored in the basement and the stuff near her will be donated to a local thrift store that my parent's volunteer at called, 'Bibles for Missions.'

Can you believe she was willing to come again tonight for a second round? Wow! Thank you Joy!! We tidied the closet in the guest room as well as the one in Hannah's room. Check it out....there's carpeting in there rather than stuff, stuff and more stuff!!

There is still much to do but with the help of Joy I'm well on the way! M and M are coming over on the weekend and have offered to paint so my goal is to have as much of this cleaned out as possible before they arrive. It's going to be busy but I can do it. The bigger items I'll enlist the help of M and we'll carry them downstairs together.

Have I mentioned lately that I have THE BEST friends?!!! Truly, their help is appreciated more than they'll ever know and they take daunting tasks and make them not only doable but fun too!

This picture made me laugh. During the wait for Hannah's referral, when I needed a pick-me-up I'd sometimes purchase diapers and guess I might have bought more than I'd realized. I should be set for a few weeks right? :o)

As I was preparing this post I also thought of this:

Note to self: Don't show Hannah the 'Before' picture of her room or I'll never convince her as a teen to keep her room tidy!!!

Formula Dilemma **Updated**

Help!! I've done a lot of research and studying preparing for Hannah's arrival but something I hadn't done too much research on was what type of formula I might purchase for her. Given her young age and small size I'm guessing it will be something she uses for at least 6 months so I want to choose what's best for her.

Milk or soy based?

Iron? I'm guessing it's a good thing. Has anyone been discouraged from buying an Iron fortified formula?

What age group should I buy for? Her biological age or slightly younger to give her some of the added nutrients she might have missed in her diet?

When I look at the tins at the store I'm nothing short of overwhelmed by all the options out there.

If the most expensive brand is the best then I'll happily buy that for her but quite possibly the lesser priced ones will be just as good. I must also admit to considering some of the store brands. They have to meet tough standards from the Food and Drug Administration so they must be ok too, right ? Has anyone used the W*lmart brand?

See...so many questions! Looking forward to hearing from those who have BTDT!

**UPDATED**
I have a new bloggy friend who adopted a beautiful baby girl from Hannah's orphanage in March of this year. Sara took pictures of what she purchased for her daughter including the exact formula that the orphanage was using! Thanks Sara!!!

As many have suggested, I will purchase some of this as soon as we reach Hunan and keep her on it while in China. Once home I will begin to slowly transition her to a Canadian brand. President's Choice has been recommended by many so I think I'll try that first and then if I need to switch I'll go with Nestle's Good Start second attempt. Also, think I'll try a milk based formula without iron to begin with. Will take all my clues from her and we'll see where we end up! Maybe by the time she's ready for homoginized milk/lactose free milk I'll finally have it right?

Almost forgot, I'm also going to buy rice cereal in China to add if necessary to her bottle. Once again will take my clues from her.

Quickly learning that this mommy gig is filled with many questions and much trial and error. Sorry Hannah! Mommy is trying...really she is! :o)

Where is Hannah and, how old is she??

Disclaimer: I am shaking just typing this so who knows what will become of it! :o)

For years I have watched with anticipation as friends excitedly awaited the referral of their child(ren). I can hardly believe that my time is almost here!!!

There are yet to be any cutoff rumours for July so I still have no idea if Hannah's referral is coming next week or not but, I am hopeful...very, VERY hopeful that next week I will be gazing into the eyes of my daughter for the very first time!!! *gasp!* *sniff!* The baby girl who has filled my heart and prayers for over 4 1/2 years, next week (or in 5 weeks) will have a name, date of birth, province of birth, personality and....I will see pictures of her for the very first time!!! It seems sureal to know that she is so very, very close!! (Reminding myself to breathe!!)

(click on map to enlarge)

With the excitment building I wanted an opportunity for you to share in the fun! Here's how it goes. Please leave a comment below listing your guess for:
1. Her province
2. Her date of birth

The person who guesses her province correctly and is closest to her date of birth will win a small prize....still to be determined. I would say it could be chocolate but I have a feeling there might not be any chocolate to be found within a 3km radius of my home this week with the excitement and anticipation of receiving her referral!!

For those who are not used to commenting, you can do so by clicking the word 'comment' below, writing your guess in the empty box, signing your name so I know who you are, clicking the box 'anonymous' and then submit. Also, emailed votes will also be accepted if you're not too sure about the whole commenting thing.

I will keep an eye on 'Rumor Queen' this week and keep you posted as to where things stand with this months cutoff rumours. (For those who may not eat, sleep and breathe China adoption, the cutoff date is the date that the China Center of Adoption Affairs will send referrals for. The next date they will match for sure is March 21, 2006. What we need to see for me to receive Hannah's referral this month is that they send out referrals for March 21st, 22nd and 23rd!! Only 3 days but we just don't know. A 2 day batch is not all that uncommon these days so it could happen.)

So....let the fun begin! Where do you believe Hannah is living and when was my daughter...DAUGHTER born??

The Finished Product

Sharon picked up our fired ceramic pasta bowls last week and we're thrilled with the results!! A little treat for Hannah to use in the future! I still get goosebumps seeing her name in print...even when I've printed it! :o)

The Power of the Pouch!

As I have been preparing for Hannah to come home I have been researching the importance of Attachment and some of the things that I can do to help Hannah learn to trust me. By the time we meet she will have lost her birth mother, her nannies/foster mother and now I'm on the scene and her heart will require a lot of healing to learn to trust again. How does she know that I'm not going to leave her too? I know this, but she doesn't.

This article is SO well written and helps adults understand a little of what Hannah will be feeling and experiencing. Please take the time to read it if you are adopting or, if you are family or friend of someone adopting. It will help you understand why parents MUST parent their adopted child differently than a birth child. There will be times I'm sure that people won't agree with my choices but all I ask is that you please respect my choices. I'm doing what I feel will be best for my baby girl and myself. I know I'll make tons of mistakes but want to do what I can to meet her special emotional needs.

One of the things I will do is carry Hannah as much as my body will allow me to. My cousin bought a Baby Hawk as a gift for Hannah and I and I know that it will get a ton of use. I've been convinced of the benefits of carrying her for quite a while now but my time in CA visiting M3 and the girls reaffirmed this more than any book or CD possibly could.

M3 was showing me the Ergo that she and Tuba Dad used in China when they met the girls. It's now almost 3 years later and the girls are busy, fun, active and love to move, move, move! When M3 brought the Ergo out and I started to put in on, Ro immediately asked if she could go in it? That was fun and she was quite content to be in it. What surprised me, gave me goosebumps and brought tears to my eyes was when not once or twice but THREE TIMES (over the course of wearing it on two different occasions, 2 different days) little Ro reached up and calmly placed her hand on the side of my face and gazed into my eyes!!! If I had any questions about how much good wearing Hannah would be, those questions were washed away with the tears that filled my eyes as Ro and I shared these precious moments together.

Another great attachment resource that comes highly recommended from many, many friends who are home with their children is Nancy Thomas' 'Taming the Tile While It's a Kitten' CD series. I've listened to it once and will listen to it a few more times before travelling to China. Nancy recommends wearing our children a minimum of 6 hours a day for the first 6 weeks that we're home. Yes - the Baby Hawk will get a lot of use as will the sling I'm also hoping to have for Hannah. I'm pretty sure Grandma has this one taken care of. ;o) Thanks Mom and Bridget! Your gifts to Hannah will be precious parts of our initial bonding time and they are gifts that will produce a lifetime investment!!

Wow! After years of reading and learning it's so neat to think of how close my sweet baby girl is! I was at the doctor today and he asked when I thought I'd be in China and my answer was 10 weeks from now. TEN WEEKS!!!! Wheee!!!

Great Visit with Social Worker

I'm happy to say that the visit with the Social Worker (SW) was great! (Phew!!!) I was ready to go but oh so nervous. Even I, who likes to talk, wondered what we were going to talk about that would take 3 hours this week and the same amount of time next week. Did I have that much to say? Yes! (I'm sure none of you are surprised!)

I was ready around 8:00am for our 8:30 visit, coffee was brewing and cinnamon buns were baking (oh no....burning!) in the oven. (Hey, I'm a master chef at cooking up these morsels. I can pop that can with the best of them but this time they burned! Oh well, nothing a sharp knife to cut off the bottoms and a candle to try to eliminate the smokey smell couldn't hurt. Guess I was nervous...I can normally do these in my sleep...practice makes perfect and I've practiced a lot!) If you want me to come teach a Pillsbury cooking class to you just let me know. Cinnamon buns, sliced cookies, and my own personal favourite...open a package of frozen cookies, place on tray and bake. You name it, I can usually bake it. Yup...that's me...Ontario's own Martha Stewart!

OK - now to get back to what you're really interested in:
The SW arrived right on time and we quickly got to work. He plugged in his laptop and we began to chat. I handed over my police check, RCMP check, fingerprints, Notice of Assessment and we listed my assets vs. liabilities and signed off the paper with him stating that I agree to work with him as a SW acting on my behalf with the Ontario Government. Basically, lots of legal stuff to begin with.

After that it was a wonderful trip down memory lane. We discussed myself, my parents, brothers, education, medical history, educational history, my jobs, what did I like to do for fun. Just a ton of things, many that I hadn't thought about in a long time but that made me smile.

Towards the end of the morning he looked through the house (Yeah! All that cleaning was worth it!) and then discussed what we'll talk about next week:
- International adoption
- Potential problems of adopting a child who has been in an orphanage
- My parenting plan
- Support system of family and friends
- Initial thoughts/plans re: daycare
- Support systems available in my area for potential physical/emotional needs the child may have (Sick Kids Hospital is in Toronto and there's a clinic in Mississauga that specializes in internationally adopted children)

It seems we're more than half way through the homestudy and just have next week's visit + a few references to receive and we'll have my homestudy finished. We're hoping it will be done by the end of November and so far that looks like a reasonable target.

In my 'ideal plan' I'd really like to see it go to the Ontario Government for their approval as early in December as possible. With more holidays than normal during Christmas & New Year's, I'm guessing approvals will slow down. Lately it seems referrals are running about 9 months from the time a file is logged into China until the referral is received. If the time frames remain similar to what's happening now, I'm thinking it may be early in 2007 when I will travel to China with my parents to get precious baby Hannah! In some ways that seems like forever yet I'm sure the time will fly!

Thank you for your continued interest and prayers in this wonderful journey! I am so happy to be able to share this with you and am encouraged daily by people asking me how things are going. Please feel free to ask and also to ask any questions you may have. I've learned so much and I like nothing more than sharing with you. If you have a question...ask away! You can email me (link is to the right of this post) or ask a question in the comments section.

One more big step towards mommyhood....CHECK!