Friday, April 07, 2006

Today is one of those days....

...when I physically feel an emptiness in my heart. It's not there everyday but today it is.

Don't get me wrong, Hannah is never far from my thoughts or prayers (just ask my family and friends who have to live with me every day!) but some days it physically feels like a part of my heart is hurting. If anyone ever asks me if it's possible to miss something you've never had I can honestly answer with a resounding YES!!!

Part of the missing her is just because I do, but another part is because the referral times are just getting longer and longer. In October of 2005 people whose files were logged in China in March 1 - 31, 2005 (31 days of files) received their referrals. 6 months from LID to referral.

In March of 2006 people whose files were logged in China May 26 - 30, 2005 (ONLY 5 days of files!) received their referrals. 10 months from LID to referral! :o(

If the 6 month trend had continued then the March referrals would have been for LID's in October 2005 rather than way back in May which means all those with May, June, July, August and September LID's would have their referrals. Rather than that, these files are either hanging out in the Matching Room or the Approval Room...or still waiting to go to the Approval Room.

Talk about confusing!!! Probably the best way to understand it is that rather than a 9 month pregnancy I am expecting I'll have the gestation period of an elephant! Sometime in the next 14-18 months I should meet Hannah!....I think...maybe...probably.......... sniff......

Will I? YES!!!!!!!!!!! When? Honestly, only God knows and His timing is perfect! This is what keeps me going as the delays happen. GOD'S TIMING IS ALWAYS PERFECT!!!

See why my heart hurts? Now I've probably caused your head to hurt with all these speculations and numbers...sorry!


  1. Yup! I hear ya!!

    Funny how you said to ask anyone around you who has to live with you everyday about how often you talk about the adoption. My mom who lives in Alberta told me yesterday that she's noticing people aren't "listening" to her anymore like they used to when she talks to them about our adoption! lol I told her it's alright to talk about other things mom!!! lol She's just that excited too!

    Our time will just feels like it never will!!

    Thank goodness we have each other! Someone else who "REALLY" understands how you feel!

  2. I had one of those day's today as well. I was just telling a lady how I miss my baby, even though I dont have my referral yet. Knowing that it is going to take longer than originally expected has been difficult. Again I will say how glad I am to have this community of adoption families right at my finger tips.

  3. I hear ya! I found myself crying as I was driving to work and crying as I drove home. Not knowing is worse than knowing in my book.

  4. I've had 'one of those days' since the last round of referrals came out. I'm pretty good at 'pretending' I'm coping but unless you're talking to someone in the same boat, people just don't understand! Chin up!


  5. Ditto. Ditto. Ditto. I am having a hard time with all of the unknown.


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