Still a Work in Progress

Sunday mornings we go to church….err, nursery.  You may remember this post from last October when Hannah stayed in the church nursery on her own for the very first time.  It was a first and I was so proud  of her but unfortunately it was also a last.  After that first week she would melt down if I attempted to leave her in the nursery.  After 2 weeks of trying (leaving for 2-4 minutes a couple of times each week to see if she would settle with the nursery workers) and us losing ground at home with her attachment and security, I knew it wasn’t worth it so for the next 4 months I went into the nursery with her.  As long as I was in the room she was happy and ventured off on her own.  An occasional glance my way or a story for me to read and other than that she was happy to be on her own, Mommy just needed to be there. 

Hannah turned 2 the end of February which means she changed nursery rooms too and moved into a class that has a little more structure.  As well as the playtime and snack time, her class now includes music, a Bible story and craft.  She’s totally ready for this so I was hoping she’d also be ready for Mommy to leave her for a bit so that I could go into church.  I have purposely chosen to go to the earlier service so that there is consistency week to week in the ladies who are caring for Hannah.

Wanting to help her with the transition and since I had stayed with her for 4 months, I went into the class with her for the first week.  She did great!  She played with puzzles, the big kitchen set, slid down the slide and lots of other fun stuff too.  It was neat to see her participate in the singing and hear her little voice ringing out when they sang the songs.  Heehee…it’s easy to hear her voice as she's often a bit behind the other kiddos.  This happens in the car too and it’s beyond adorable!  Here’s a little video I recorded just before bed tonight.  (Warning:  It’s a little loud. You may want to turn down your speakers a bit.)

Anyway, she sang, jumped and then followed in line to pick up her little mat and listened to the story.  Although she didn’t offer any answers to the questions the teacher asked she was happy to sit there and take it all in.  I was so proud of her!  Everything I saw gave me hope that she was now ready to stay in the nursery on her own.

As the next week progressed at home we’d talk about Sunday School and how much fun she’d had.  I’d also talk about the following week when Mommy was going to go into big people church while Hannah played with her friends and very soon I’d be back. 

When we arrived at the classroom the next Sunday she walked through the door as I signed her in.   The teachers and I chatted and they reassured me that if she needed me they’d be sure to call my number.  (There are a couple of light up boards in the sanctuary.  Each child in the nursery is assigned a number and if the child is upset their number goes up on the board and the parent leaves the service to care for their child.  It’s wonderful for peace of mind.)  I called out ‘goodbye’ to her and with confidence headed into church.  She had entered the room on her own happily so I was fully prepared that I’d be enjoying a Sunday Service for the first time in a very long time.

Well, Hannah had other plans.  Within about 5 minutes my number went up and soon after exiting the sanctuary I could hear her crying in the nursery wing.  I am SO thankful that her teachers called me as she was quite upset. It makes it easier for me to continue working on leaving her when the teachers are working with me and not afraid to call my number should Hannah need me.  Anyway, Hannah settled very quickly once Mommy was with her and she participated fully in the class.

What was very different this time is that we didn’t lose ground at home in her attachment or security.  She’s ready for this, we just need to work it through.  We were away from church for a few weeks but tried again yesterday morning.  I had hoped the break might do her good and that she’d be ready to let me go.  Ummm…nope!  She cried when I dropped her off and even though I hoped she’d settle with the teachers I was called out of the service within about 5 mins.  I tell you, my girly can get quite upset, quite quickly when she needs me and yesterday, she needed me.

I tried a different approach yesterday and took her into the service with me for about 15 mins. after I’d gone back to pick her up.  My thoughts are that if she knows where Mommy is, maybe it will be a little easier for her to let me go.  She thoroughly enjoyed the music and then we went back to her class together in time for music, story and snack.  Once again, as long as I was in the room she was happy and spent the majority of the class playing with the kitchen on the other side of the room.

I want to continue to work through this and I think this week we’ll add role playing ‘Hannah at Sunday School and Mommy in big church then Mommy coming back’ to see if this helps.  I hadn’t really thought about role playing until I was writing this post.  I know it will get better and together we’ll find a groove that works for us.

Is there anything else others have tried to help transition their adopted children to the nursery?  Yes, as much as Hannah is just my daughter and I don’t think of her adoption often, I truly feel I need to take this part of her story into consideration while we work on her learning to stay in the nursery.   She has lost people twice before who were precious to her (first her birth mother and then secondly her nanny) so I need to make sure she knows this is not going to happen ever again and help her gain the confidence that she can go to Sunday School and play with her friends and that Mommy will come and get her soon.