Wednesday, April 18, 2012

Moments to Remember: Crying Uncle Follow-up

A follow-up to yesterday’s post.

Thank you, thank you, thank you! I have read each and every response and personal email sent and am so appreciative of all you’ve shared with me.

I also want to thank those of you who shared that I’m not alone in this challenge. I was sure others would struggle with similar situations but in the heat of last evening’s challenge all I could think of was that it shouldn’t be this hard to get my 3yo daughter from place A to place B and that I must be doing something wrong.

I remember Kate Gosselin saying, ‘Three is the new two!’ and oh how right she was!

Was I wrong with my reactions yesterday? In some ways, yes. Losing my cool and yelling did not accomplish anything. And at the same time I’m human and when my buttons are pushed I fail sometimes. And that’s ok. From those times (yes there are multiple times) I need to regroup, apologize and then learn from my mistakes. Constantly learning and hopefully in time Hannah will learn that adults make mistakes too that they need to apologize for and learn from.

Was I wrong to let Hannah know that she’d pushed me too far? No. I think my honest reaction to what had happened was what she needed.

Something that happened last night that I didn’t originally share, happened after supper when we were still sitting at the table together. We’d pulled out her crayons and a piece of paper because she wanted to draw. Hannah was sitting on my lap and said, ‘Mommy, I’m going to draw you driving the car.’ She proceeded to talk out loud as she drew my head, eyes, hair….and a sad face. Ouch!! I asked her when that was and she said it was when we were driving home tonight. Oh yes, she knew I was not happy with her actions and she remembered it. She proceeded to flip the paper over, and draw me again now….with a happy face.

Fast forward to this morning when I was taking her to daycare and I reminded her just once that when I said it was time to go tonight that she’d need to leave without a fuss. There were hugs and kisses at drop off and I went to work – stressing about how to fix this situation for the sake of all 3 of us – Hannah, Ange and myself. She was fine. Mommy? Not so much!

It was then that I began reading the numerous responses to yesterday’s post and you were so helpful, supportive and had wonderful suggestions. Thank you!

Ange was also reading the responses so together we came up with a new plan that many of you recommended. She would have Hannah ready at the door with her shoes and coat on at 5:15 and I’d just walk to the door and pick her up and leave. I’ll miss the daily catch-up and chat that Ange and I had but hopefully with time we’ll be able to re-introduce that.  We’ll just have to plan a coffee evening to catch up with one another.  That works!

So, with the new plan in place and friends praying (Thank you! God cares about all situations, including stressful daycare pick-ups.) I left work with a cautious optimism that this would go well.

As I pulled into the driveway at 5:14 I could see Hannah’s bright pink coat in the window and her sweet little face looking out. Ange opened the door and I excitedly said, ‘Hi everyone! Hannah, let’s go!’ and………..


she came happily without question, held my hand and we walked to the car where she excitedly began asking for her snack and chatting away. Yay Hannah!!!!!

I turned back to the door when I heard it unlock and Ange popped her head out to tell me that her oldest son said when she closed the door, ‘Wow, That was easy!’ LOL! Sadly I guess Ange’s kiddos were feeling the stress of pick ups too.

So, we have one awesome daycare pick up under out belt! Woo hoo!! We were home earlier and spent that time cuddled on the couch discussing each of our days and reading a book together.  Hannah asked me what my best part of the day was and I excitedly said it was picking her up because she listened so well and now we had lots of time to spend together!  The extra time was nice too as my plan before I went back to work was always to take time to spend with her after work before starting supper but sadly that plan went by the way-side when my work hours got moved back in favour of spending more time together in the morning. I hadn’t really thought of this lately but now want to do what I can to reinstate that quality time before starting supper.

I feel really good about the changes that we made today and I have you to thank for that! Your comments and support were so helpful and I really appreciate them.

Mom is on pick up duty tomorrow as it’s the night I teach piano but she will follow the same plan that we have put in place. I found out today that Hannah has also been challenging Grandma a bit at pick up time the past few weeks so hopefully all will go well for her tomorrow.

Thanks again everyone. I’ll update in a few weeks and let you know how it’s going. This is the first option we’re trying and hopefully it works but if the challenges creep/leap back in then we’ll go the sticker and reward route.

I wasn’t a fan of bribery…until I became a parent! Smile

I hope some of you found help, support and understanding in the wonderful responses that were posted today. I have great family, friends and those I don’t even know who read this blog and it’s times like these that makes me extra thankful for this avenue of help that is available!


  1. Just catching up on blogs and I'm glad that you had an easy pick up today and hope that it is the new pattern. Hugs. Oh and in our home 4 was more difficult than 3 with an even greater sense of independence and defiance. Good luck Mama.

  2. So glad it went well today. Parenting involves a lot of tweaking!

  3. I see it as a good thing that Hannah feels safe to try out her sense of independence and developing realization that she is a separate person from you and others by challenging you. It speaks to the quality and degree of attachment you have so thoughtfully, patiently, and lovingly created.
    Perhaps Hannah doesn't care for abrupt change, as you magically appear to pick her up. With the new plan she is prepared, both phycically and emotionally, for departure. Also, she immediately becomes the center of your attention after missing you . . .
    By being human and letting it show, you will teach Hannah how to cope out in the world, and she won't fall apart or be oblivious when tolerance/patience/kindness/acceptance/understanding are needed.
    I continue to delight in your unfolding story, Catherine and Hannah!

    1. You're quite correct that abrupt change can be hard on everyone. I learned today that in preparation for my arrival Ange has already been giving Hannah countdowns to help prepare her. Thanks for the tip though as it's always good to hear what others have tried.

      We are so blessed that Hannah absolutely loves Ange and her family and going to daycare is something she enjoys! I can go to work with complete peace of mind knowing that she's at the very best place she could be and that she's having a great time!

      We are SO BLESSED!

  4. This is how our Preschool teacher handles the kids when we pick them up. She goes for three hours on Mons and Weds. It works well for us. She has coat and backpack on while sitting on at the little table waiting on me. Our meltdowns happen right before supper also. My husband doesn't get home until 7 or 8 at night. I still trying to hold on to family eating together. Jadalyn gets a snack or two since we eat so late. Her being tired (she is fighting napping right now and still needs them) and hungry makes her act out badly. I have tried feeding her early a few times then letting her have dessert while we eat. It really just doesn't work. Hope we can find a solution because I would hate for have supper and be in bed (like most other kids are at 8 pm) without getting to see her father all day. So glad you and Hannah have a littel system that seems to be working!

  5. I didn't get to read the other post until now, but let me say, I wrongly react probably every other day. It is hard. I have a hard time going from child to child. Each one has to be dealt with in different ways. I get frustrated when things aren't going well and I am trying everything and nothing works. I forget this child does better with this, and this child does better than this and my wild man kicks in. I talked to my kids' doctor once and he said, what you did, we are all human and we are doing our best. We can't be perfect. We can't be good all the time. Real life happens.

    You sure are great!

  6. I'm so happy it went smoothly yesterday! I hope it continutes!

  7. My daughter is 4 now, and looking back, I can say that for us, 3 was much more difficult than 2...:) This motherhood gig IS tough!!! It sounds like you are handling it all really well. I HATE when I lose my patience with Elizabeth, but I don't think it's so bad that our kids see that we are human and have feelings.
    You are such a great Mom to your little girl. This struggle too shall pass! :)
    PS: You have actually inspired me to think about writing a post on my blog about some of the struggles E and I go through.


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