…that Hannah doesn’t remember the day we became a family as I do.
Now, that may seem like a funny thing to say as she was only 8 months at the time but a little background will help explain what I mean. (Please bear with me…this post wanders a bit.)
Right now one of Hannah’s favourite games to play is ‘Baby.’ She will suddenly pretend to cry like a baby, want cuddles, to be picked up, snuggled and comforted with, ‘Shhh…it’s okay baby, Mommy’s here.’ She’ll do her pretend cry a little longer, all the while with a big smile on her face and stifling a giggle while I hold her close and rock her. (Any opportunity to snuggle and cuddle my independent little sweetie is a good one!)
Something else Hannah loves to do is ‘Pway.’ We say her bedtime prayers each night and now she adds her own personal requests. Often she’ll say, ‘Mommy, pway for me when I was a baby in China.’ and I’ll pray something like, ‘Lord, thank you so much that you knew before the beginning of time that Hannah and I would be a family. Thank you for creating us to be a family and for brining us together in China to be together forever.’ I use this sweet time of prayer to reassure her that God designed our family and that we will always be together.
Each nigh after our prayers we cuddle for a few minutes before I go downstairs. She’ll normally grab hold of my arm and say, ‘I keep you!’ and try to hold me, all the while with her with a huge smile on her face! We giggle together with our faces mere inches from one another and I say, ‘Yes sweetie, you can keep me forever!’ Eventually I wiggle away with the reassurance that I’ll be back very soon. We end our little time of night-time fun with me placing a kiss on her forehead and her placing one on mine. (Any attempt to kiss her sweet rosebud lips right now is met with that kiss being thrown away as she laughs! I still do it and oh how she giggles and she announces, ‘I frow it away! )
I’ve often heard and read on other people’s blogs that ‘big’ conversations often seem to happen in the car. Sometimes planned by parents that way, other times it’s just spontaneous conversation.
Yesterday as we were driving home from one of her little friend’s birthday parties we were praying for safe travels for those at the party as the roads were snowy and some families had a distance to travel. After that prayer she said, ‘Mommy, let’s pway for Baby Anna in China.’ I asked if she meant Baby Ellie and she said yes. Baby Ellie is the sweet daughter of friends who are traveling to China this week to meet their daughter!! Although Pam and I have never met in person and only met via our blogs, the friendship is a dear, precious one and we know that someday we will meet. Cannot wait!!
And now, to get to the reason for the title of today’s post. As we were driving down the road and ‘pwaying’ for a variety of things and people Hannah wanted to pray about she said,
‘Mommy, pway for me when I was a baby in your tummy in China.’
It suddenly struck me that even though I know we didn’t meet until she was 8 months, 6 days old and we’ve often talked about that day and looked at videos and pictures, she doesn’t understand (nor have the ability to understand that) quite yet.
I was surprised by her innocent request and all at the same time my heart began to race and tears threatened my eyes while trying to sound as ‘normal’ and calm as I could as I responded to her sweet request.
My response? We prayed, ‘Lord, thank you so much that you knew before the beginning of time that Hannah and I would be a family. Thank you for creating us to be a family and for brining us together in China to be together forever.’ Someday I will want to delve further into this matter but for now, I responded in the way I believe her little 2yo mind could handle.
I know in time these questions and many, many more will come and I am already praying (oh boy if you could have heard the arrow prayers I shot up as we drove yesterday!! Talk about multitasking!!) that when we have these discussions that Hannah will view her adoption as a positive thing. That she would not be angry with her situation, God, her birth parents, China or I’ll be honest, me. I’m not in denial that some/all of these feelings may come but if/when they do I pray they do not last. I pray that Hannah will see and believe that God brought us together to be a family. A family designed by Him. The perfect family for us.