Saturday, December 08, 2007

Accepting the Current Reality

This week the China Center of Adoption Affairs (CC*AA) once again sent out referrals to families that have been waiting a long, long time to see their precious baby's face. Congratulations to all those who received their referrals!

This batch of referrals covered 6 days (files logged December 9-14, 2005) which makes it 9 months in a row that referrals have been in the single digits. I decided that I needed to do what is best for me in preparing my heart for Hannah's referral and totally recalculate my 'guesstimation' date based on only the past 9 months and not the months prior to that when the CC*AA referred larger numbers. It was not an easy thing to do but I was finding that each of the previous months when I would recalculate using the larger numbers plus the current smaller ones, my heart would sink as my guesstimation date got further and further away. In turn, it was a tough couple of days each month as my heart adjusted to Hannah seemingly being further away rather than closer.

Using the new calculation I have decided to base my referral thoughts on 5.7 days of referrals per month. I am not asking you to do this; it's just what I need to do for myself. Because of this my current estimation of a referral would be May of 2009 with travel to meet her anticipated as July 2009. Yes it's a long, long way away but I have no doubt that she will be with every moment of the wait and that as always, God's timing will be perfect.

As I updated my sidebar tonight with these difficult new dates there was a silver lining faintly glistening. You know me...I may have to look hard to find it but I'll find the silver lining in most situations. Tonight it was a treat to change the number of LID's before me from triple digits into double digits. There are now 99 days of files to be matched before I receive Hannah's referral. Double digits...I'm into double digits! Considering at the time my file was logged in there were 303 days of files in front of me, 99 is a good thing!

Do I wish things were different? Oh man do I! I've already shed my share of tears thinking of sharing this Christmas and next without my daughter. But, I also know that God is in control and He gives a peace that I cannot's just there.

'Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.' Philippians 4: 6,7

I don't know the reasons...but God does.
I don't know when...but God does.
I don't know how long...but God does

And I continue to trust and lean on Him.


  1. I'm just squeezing my eyes shut and ignoring it all. Then I'll be like....oh, MY referral is up next? What a nice surprise.....:-)

  2. thanx for the positive thoughts Catherine!

    Keep your chin up!


  3. Yeah for double digits!!
    Praying for a wonderful Christmas for all of you amazing mommies!

  4. What is meant to be will be. Hard as it, no choice in the matter.

    Keep smilin!

  5. I love your positive attitude. The fact is: you WILL have her one day.
    You just don't know what day.
    Like you said, only God does. So the wait continues and we continue to lean on Jesus. It is a peaceful place to be.

  6. I don't think I'll "accept" the current situation!!!

  7. It's a very tough situation to accept, especially when we were all lead to believe one thing.

    Having great friends like you make the rough ride a lot easier.

  8. Hi Catherine,
    I think you are doing the right thing. I had to readjust my thoughts in 2006 when I was told my wait time would go from 6 months to close to 2 years (it was two years). I had already waited two years to make the decision to initiate things, so it was hard. I waited four years in total for my new DD. Hopefully you will not wait that long....but taking things one month at a time really does help with the waiting. Hang in there...making it to double digits in the wait is important and at least you know each month the number of days to referral will decrease....take care...CTG from RQ

  9. "I don't know the reasons...but God does.
    I don't know when...but God does.
    I don't know how long...but God does"

    We read that over and over and gave thanks that you shared your heart...


  10. I keep remembering that meeting with my agency in 2005......"Oh the CCAA will never go over 10 months!"

    We switched to sn.....

  11. Everything for a reason and of course Gods plan but it is still hard. I'm sorry Catherine!

    ((HUGS)) Jenny (Abby's Mom)

  12. I do believe in "whats meant to be"...and "it happens for a reason". It just doesn't make it easier tho.


  13. You sure can find a bright spot in all of this and your faith will get you through. I too can find that little bit of brightness as I am now on the SN list and if my daughter is older then think of all that free day care I have received. We will get through. My prayers with you and all the families waiting.

  14. Catherine, I'm so impressed with your attitude, as difficult as this situation may be, you look for the best. Personally, I think people with login dates similar to yours have had it the hardest. People joining the program now know about the long waits. It doesn't make it better, but their expectations are set for a long wait. Whereas people like you were told to expect short waits and when your expectations have to change, and change big, it somehow makes it that much harder to bear... but you're right, there is no choice and in the meantime, look at all the wonderful friendships you've had time to form during the wait... always a silver lining. :-)


  15. Huge HUGS MY FRIEND!!! It will definitely help when you go visit the twins, soon!


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