Sunday, March 01, 2009

Not in My Own Strength

I often receive comments/emails that talk about my outlook during the wait. I need to tell you that in my own strength I could not handle this wait. Not for one-single-moment. In my own strength I would be a puddle of tears, questioning each and every moment of the wait. The only reason I can go through the wait with a positive outlook is because God.

Psalm 4:13 says, 'I can do everything through him who gives me strength.' He is my constant strength and guide. He is the reason I can be positive through the wait. (Even with His strength I have rough days for sure and my positive outlook is tested.)

Psalm 4:13 helps me greatly and especially when I see so many receiving their referrals and meeting their children. I'll be completely honest and say it can be difficult emotionally when people who began their adoptions after me have received their referrals first. I haven't fought the battle of infertility that many of you have but I'm guessing many of you know only too well what it feels like to want something so much and see many around you realizing that dream while you continue to wait. (My mom and I have talked about this often as this was the struggle she and dad faced for years prior to my arrival. Many years ago they waited to have a baby grow to full term, and today I wait for Hannah's referral.)

There are days that I fight with mixed emotions of being happy for friends and at the same time sad for myself that Hannah is still months and months away. Please know that I am NEVER unhappy for those receiving their referrals and meeting their children, it's just that I long to be closer or, being completely honest, that it was finally Hannah's referral that was being shouted from the rooftops!!!

The other thing that keeps me going is that I believe that God has the exact moment that Hannah and I will meet already planned. Psalm 139:16 says, 'your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.' Those days include the day when Hannah will be placed into my arms! Choosing to trust Him daily.

So, as much as I long to hold her in my arms now, it's not His time so I must wait and I choose to wait with a smile on my lips and in my heart as, 'I can do everything through him who gives me strength.'

Do you want to know the really neat thing? This love of God; peace beyond all measure and heart of trust are something that is available to each of us. God is there for you and wants only for you to cry out to Him and ask Him to help you. He is always there and is only a prayer away. He cares about what's important to it big or small or, your hurting heart during the wait for you child.

He also loves us so much that He gives us glimpses of what is on the horizon for us. Today we saw a friend's dream come true as God brought a mom and her daughter together! PIPO waited 3 very long years after her file went to China and today her precious daughter was placed in her arms!!

Congratulations friend!! You're a MOMMY!!!!!!!


  1. Your faith and ability to live it and present it as positive is what people see. You are right, in God's time. Donna said to me when she called from China after receiving Lauren was she is the right child for us. (Even with the difficult days in the beginning) She knew Lauren was the one who was her daughter and you will know the same thing. I pray for referrals to go quickly and for all waiting to hold their dreams and I know yours will come true also... Linda

  2. Beautifully written Catherine! Your faith is something to be desired by those of us that walk this same path. I remember quite painfully being in the same spots you have but chose to wallow in my pain instead of rest in His arms. Thank you for being willing to share your thoughts and feelings.

  3. Thank you for sharing your feelings. So many of us feel this way and think we are the only ones. How generous of you to share with all of us. We hope and pray that you will meet your Hannah sooner rather than later.

  4. Thank you Catherine for sharing your faith with us. You are a wonderful example to me and I feel the same way you do. My husband and I have been comforted by those same scriptures. So glad that you have this peace and knowledge.

  5. I'm so thankful to God for blessing me with our friendship!! I love your faith and your heart for Him!! What a testimony your journey is!!

    Dale and I were just talking this afternoon that our family (just being huge and adopting the girls) makes us a living testimony to others!! What a huge (and sometimes scary) honor and gift! I just pray I live my life the way HE has planned for me!! :)

    Love you friend!! I SO can not WAIT for Hannah to be home!!!! :)

    Bless you!!

  6. Cathy, I'll continue to pray that His strength will carry you until you meet Hannah...(and then after as well :o) I can only imagine how hard some days must be, and times of questioning why your adoption appears to be going slow while others are receiving calls. I know the difficult between the head and heart. Although you know these truths, the embracing of them can still be difficult and tears still flow.

    Praying that the Lord is using this time...this time that He still has you exactly where He wants make you into the exact Mommy Hannah will need on her arrival. He has you learning and growing and when you're both ready, that day will come. He can already see it :o) Oh, what a day that will be!!!!!

    Love & hugs,

  7. Your spirit and faith is inspirational.

    Keep smilin!

  8. What a powerful witness you have, Catherine! God is being glorified through your experience, and you will be so blessed in the months to come.

    I have tried to take this attitude about our infertility, and it has made all the difference in my ability to handle the uncertainty and the waiting.

    Have a beautiful day!

  9. So true and so beautiful Catherine! God has our journeys planned and for that I am thankful.

    PS....sorry I never got back to you on the crab cooking method. I don't know how they are cooked either, I am able to get them already cooked. :)

  10. Thanks Catherine for reminding me of somethine I know and am very aware of. Sometimes, though I get caught up in wanting what I want right now and forget that God's timing is best. It is so hard to be patient, but I know in the end Aliana will be worth waiting for.

  11. I so admire your faith. Thanks for sharing!

  12. Briana, Doug and I were meant to be together. I truly believe that. Things happened exactly the way they were meant to. I know that is the same for you and Hannah. When Hannah's referral comes, I think we all will be shouting it from the rooftops!!

  13. I marvel at the strength of your faith daily. I have always felt confident in my faith, but I must admit that the past 7 months have tested me. Most of the time I know that my child will come in the time that God sees as perfect, but there are days when I am sad. It is during those times when I turn to friends like you.

    Thank you so much for helping through these difficult times with posts like this one and for listening. I hope that I can do a fraction as much for you.

    Love ya friend.

  14. What a beautiful post, Catherine. The Lord is so evidently shining right through you. You are such an encourager to others and a beautiful witness of your faith. I can't wait until you are shouting your sweet Hannah's referral from the roof tops!

    mom to Emily, AnnaClaire and Kate

  15. Catherine that was beautifully written, and your faith is beautiful. This wait has really tested all of our faith , but I can honestly say that it has changed me, and for the better , HE has taught me so many invaluable lessons. And I thank HIM for that.

    Stay strong and keep the Faith.
    Love and blessings, Kristy


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