I often receive comments/emails that talk about my outlook during the wait. I need to tell you that in my own strength I could not handle this wait. Not for one-single-moment. In my own strength I would be a puddle of tears, questioning each and every moment of the wait. The only reason I can go through the wait with a positive outlook is because God.
Psalm 4:13 says, 'I can do everything through him who gives me strength.' He is my constant strength and guide. He is the reason I can be positive through the wait. (Even with His strength I have rough days for sure and my positive outlook is tested.)
Psalm 4:13 helps me greatly and especially when I see so many receiving their referrals and meeting their children. I'll be completely honest and say it can be difficult emotionally when people who began their adoptions after me have received their referrals first. I haven't fought the battle of infertility that many of you have but I'm guessing many of you know only too well what it feels like to want something so much and see many around you realizing that dream while you continue to wait. (My mom and I have talked about this often as this was the struggle she and dad faced for years prior to my arrival. Many years ago they waited to have a baby grow to full term, and today I wait for Hannah's referral.)
There are days that I fight with mixed emotions of being happy for friends and at the same time sad for myself that Hannah is still months and months away. Please know that I am NEVER unhappy for those receiving their referrals and meeting their children, it's just that I long to be closer or, being completely honest, that it was finally Hannah's referral that was being shouted from the rooftops!!!
The other thing that keeps me going is that I believe that God has the exact moment that Hannah and I will meet already planned. Psalm 139:16 says, 'your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.' Those days include the day when Hannah will be placed into my arms! Choosing to trust Him daily.
So, as much as I long to hold her in my arms now, it's not His time so I must wait and I choose to wait with a smile on my lips and in my heart as, 'I can do everything through him who gives me strength.'
Do you want to know the really neat thing? This love of God; peace beyond all measure and heart of trust are something that is available to each of us. God is there for you and wants only for you to cry out to Him and ask Him to help you. He is always there and is only a prayer away. He cares about what's important to you....be it big or small or, your hurting heart during the wait for you child.
He also loves us so much that He gives us glimpses of what is on the horizon for us. Today we saw a friend's dream come true as God brought a mom and her daughter together! PIPO waited 3 very long years after her file went to China and today her precious daughter was placed in her arms!!