What Was It Like Becoming a Single Mom?

As we were in China I would receive emails and comments from family and friends who were excited to meet Hannah and they, with well understood excitement, would count down the days until we arrived home on Canadian soil. As I would sit in the hotel room in China I'll admit to being surprised by my own body's reaction to these comments. Words that I thought would bring great excitement and joy caused me also to break into a cold sweat and my stomach to flip-flop. As I'd sit in the dark (as it was often very late at night when I had time to check the computer) I'd find myself almost panicking about coming home. I believe these feelings were caused by a variety of contributors.

I was going to be a single mom. Let's be honest...this wasn't a surprise to me but the reality was quickly taking root. For the 13 days I was a Mom in China, I was wonderfully blessed to have my amazing, loving, awesome parents right next door (sometimes even in an adjoining room so that there wasn't even a full wall between us) and a loving, caring friend right in the room with me. Norma could often anticipate my needs and would quietly, behind the scenes just do stuff to make my life easier. I knew from the very beginning that I wanted mom and dad to come to China and was even more blessed when Norma could come too, but little did I realize until we were there just how much their love and support meant. They were always...always there to lend a helping hand, answer questions, a shoulder to lean on/cry on and so much more. What would I do when suddenly the door closed behind them when we were home and I was all alone? Would I truly know what to do? Would I question my gut instinct?

The answer I know now is that I would be just fine but at the time I didn't know for sure. The seeds of doubt would arise in the dark of the night and I'd find myself almost shaking physically and praying, asking God to help me both then and when we got home.

I can't tell you the number of times I've heard people share about how hard it is to be alone all day with a baby and how they remember counting the hours and minutes until their spouse came home so that they could get just a little bit of 'me time' or, get some things done. Those stories would go round and round my head and I'd question myself....'Will I be able to do it? There won't be anyone coming home to relieve me. What will I do?' Well, I need not have worried. No, not because of anything I've done but truly by what God has done. He has given me the most AMAZING baby!!! She is the love of my life and is a sheer joy to be with! She makes it SO easy to care for her as God created her with a sweet, easy going personality and the cutest smile you ever did see! I can honestly say that on numerous days as the clock has neared 4:00 I've thought to myself, 'I'm so glad there's nobody coming home as I don't want to miss a moment of being with Hannah XiaoFen!' We have our moments occasionally and my baby girl has that Hunan girl 'spicy temper' but those moments are so few and far between that they're very, very rare! There have been a couple of days when I've been in the room and just had to let her cry for a bit, all the while reassuring her that Mommy is right here and she's just fine but that it's 6:30 and if mommy doesn't finally put a bite of food in her mouth that day she's gonna drop! Yes, there was many a day when the first food I got was in the evening so I made sure to drink lots of milk and orange juice during the day and get fed that way. It's getting better now though and I can usually fit in 1-2 meals per day.

I have continually been amazed how God grants you patience and understanding with your child. Part of this I believe too comes with being a *gulp* older parent. :o) The patience and understanding I have now as opposed to 20 years ago is a blessing. The first night home Hannah cried for almost 2 solid hours when we went to bed and even though I cried with her, I just felt love flowing through me and my only desire was to make things better for her. Eventually she calmed down and even though those heart breaking shudders that came from her after such a long cry lasted for quite a while, I knew she was ok and that mommy was right there and she wasn't going anywhere. I tell her this daily, many times daily, and I can't wait for the day when she understands what I'm saying. I'm not sure if she does now but I truly believe the love that ensues when I whisper the words, 'Mommy's right here XiaoFen. Mommy loves you. Mommy's not going anywhere' must be felt by her little heart. I pray that God would allow her little heart to continue to heal and trust.

I believe some of the other fears I was facing was the unknown of how my life was going to change from what I had known. What would my 'new normal' be like? How would I fill my days? (Heh....silly, silly question I now know!!)

I had lived life to the fullest as a single and was a girl who loved to have a good time and go out with a friend at the spur of the moment. Although this has been somewhat curved, I also have a daughter who enjoys being out among people too!

God answered one of my questions before I ever left the airport in Toronto. (Yes, I promise to post that soon. That was what this post was originally going to be and as you can see it's taken a completely different turn.) As things were quietening down at the airport and Dad had gone to get the van, my cell phone rang. It was my best friend Sharon saying that she was at the house, the tea kettle was on and that she'd be there whenever we got home but not to rush. A wave of calm came over me as God placed this precious friend just where I needed her to be. She was still there and our friendship would still be there, just now with an added little person as the centre of our time together.
I had always known our friendship would be there as it's grown over 25+ years to something very precious but I hadn't been sure how it would change. You know what? It hasn't really other than we tease about what we used to find to talk about now that all we do is ooo and goo and Hannah and chat about her. And, Hannah has an honourary Grandma and Grandpa too! What a blessing they are to our family and such treasured friends. We love you Grandma and Grandpa!! xoxo Now when the phone rings in the evening, sometimes it's Grandma and Grandpa P wondering if XiaoFen can come over for a playtime? We happily oblige and they wind her up with all their fun and love and then we head home. We tease that on those nights she'll be up until all hours but normally she's beginning to doze by the time we hit our driveway even though we only live 3 mins apart. I know XiaoFen loves those play times but finds it pretty exhausting entertaining 3 adults! :o)

Time with other friends has also been wonderful and it's great to be off right now and have the time to spend with Hannah and at the same time with friends too. Our normal Christmas Day celebrations are planned for next week and Hannah will see what fun Christmas is as we share time with many family and friends!



Yesterday we were at Wal-M*rt and bumped into both Joy and Norma so we pulled our carts into Tim's and enjoyed a coffee (bottle for Hannah) and wonderful visit together. What a wonderful, unexpected surprise! Patient Auntie Joy was finally able to hold Hannah and it was a wonderful time for both of them! (Although I'm thinking Hannah would have preferred she keep her glasses on as they looked like a great new toy to play with!)

So, becoming a single mom has been different from what I thought but all in very positive ways!!! I love my daughter like crazy and cannot spend enough time with her! In no way am I bored and just the exact opposite. Now my stomach flip-flops when I think of going back to work next summer...so I try not to think about it and just enjoy this time we have together.

Even though I'm home all day you'd never know it from the look of the house. If you come over, just step over the stuff in the hallway and toys on the floor. Don't check to see if the bed's made as I'm guessing it won't be. Be careful near the high chair or you may find Cheerios adorning your socks. Just pull up a piece of floor, grab a block or rattle to play with us and have a great time! We're just hanging out together and happy to have you with us!