Monday, July 20, 2009

*sniff* Missed By One Day

From all reports it appears that CCAA matched files this month for families with log in dates of March 21st and March 22nd/06 which means I missed the cutoff by one day. It's a tough day for sure but I'm going to be just fine. This really doesn't come as a surprise but it is disappointing and it's ok to let myself feel that.

M3 and I talked a lot about it last month when I was with her as that happened to she and TubaDad back in 2006. (Kinda neat that they also missed the July batch by 1 day and waited until August to receive Ro and Ree's referral!) As hard as it is to be missed by only one day, there is a lot to be said for knowing I'm NEXT!! There is no wondering, 'What if they only do an x day batch'. Our files are at the front of the line and a month from now I will see Hannah's precious face!!

Through it all God is my comfort, strength and soft place to fall. He's holding me close and drying the tears of disappointment that are falling today. Next month they will be tears of joy and I can't wait!!! God's timing continues to be perfect and I continue to trust Him!!

Wait for the LORD;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the LORD.
Psalm 27:14

My sweet baby girl,
Mommy cannot wait to meet you!! I love you so much already and my heart is overwhelmed with the thoughts of meeting you and holding you in my arms. You are the daughter of my heart, placed there by God long ago and in a short time we will meet in person, forever to be mother and daughter!

I love you Hannah!! Mommy xo


  1. So disappointing, yet so exciting that you are next! I think it is time to plan a couple of trips to help the time go super fast.

  2. disappointing I know.....BUT YOU ARE NEXT!!!!!!!

    big hugs to help you get through your day. Now go get your list out of stuff that needs to be done before going to China so you aren't running around like a chicken with your head cutoff in a month!!

  3. Next month is THE MONTH! Now you know for sure! And you will be traveling at a beautiful time of year. Not sweating like crazy like I did in August! :)

  4. Girl, I am right there with you. I knew that if they got through the 23rd then I would stand a good chance for August, but since they only did through the 22nd, then it's gonna be September. But it's ok- I know that it's not a maybe we'll be in September, it's WE ARE going to be in September. You are right, the comfort that comes from KNOWING far outweighs the disappointment.

    I just hope we are home in time for Thanksgiving! :) But this does give me more time to get ready. Apparently 3 years was not enough...

  5. Very, very sorry to hear this - sending massive hugs to help get you through the next few weeks.

  6. Hi Catherine,
    I've been lurking for quite a while (came over from the Salsa blog). I gave up on China a couple of years ago (we were LID April 06)--it was a tortured decision--and I've been drawn to your continued optimism and faith to stay with the program. I didn't understand it at first, and I thought there's no way you could really believe so deeply for so so long that your daughter was in China. You had to be deluding yourself (I thought). I'm not religious at all, but the comfort you get from your beliefs is truly amazing. Most amazing of all is your deep belief that you want to be a mother. That should go far to help get you through the challenges of parenting ahead!

    Anyway, on the verge of the biggest event of your life, I just wanted to chime in. There are probably a lot of us strangers who have been following your adventure. How weird is that?

    Blessings (from an agnostic earth-based humanist).

  7. aw this breaks my heart!!!!

    august can't come fast enough, now!! Who cares that school starts in August....catherine gets her REFERRAL in AUGUST!! Woooo hooooo!!!!

    it is just DAYS now till you get to see your beautiful girls face.

    i remember the days leading up to my little sisters referral (even though it was SN...we knew it would be coming soon!!). those were the most exciting days of my life!!

    thank you, thank you, THANK YOU for your sweet comment!!!

    Hugs to you today!

  8. aghh....oups....that comment by Jenn...was actually Lexie. i realized after that i am signed into my moms. oups...

    its lexie (!!)

  9. I am so sorry...

    My birthday is the 18th - I am thinking that is a good day for a referral!!

  10. It's going to be like Christmas Eve in August for the whole next month. Hannah will be here on Christmas Day!!
    (Still hope it will include 3/23!)

    Kacey's Nana

  11. So sorry that it wasn't this month Catherine... I was so sure after the CB extra referrals. But.. YOU ARE DEFINITELY NEXT! I can't wait to hear your scream and see that sweet little girl's picture!
    Sending hugs and prayers your way,

  12. I was really hoping to see Miss Hannah's face, but WOW! YOU'RE NEXT!!! That does take the sting out just a bit.

    Thinking of you.

  13. Man, how disappointing for sure! Obviously the stars are not alligned perfectly yet for Hannah to come to her mommy.

    Sending you big hugs today. I know it must be hard, but your great attitude will get you through, like it always has.

  14. You are NEXT Catherine! I love how M3 put it when we were all sitting on the beach last you know and you can prepare and plan with no doubt in your mind. Many many hugs and continued prayers my friend. NEXT!

  15. It is yucky crap that you missed it. It hurts to know that you are sad. But after the sadness passes, you can focus on knowing that next month is your time! No doubt, no trolling for rumours, no are we in or not....YOU ARE NEXT!!!!

    The countdown begins!

    Keep smilin!

  16. So sorry, my friend.
    Next month is your month and I can't WAIT to see Hannah's face and to see you fall to pieces over her beauty.
    You are in my heart, my sweet, sweet friend.

  17. Shoot darn spit! Well now you can shout I'm FOR SURE NEXT! Wahooooey! Sorry you were so close but Hannah's just not ready yet...yah right who are we kidding it stinks so cry, stomp and then celebrate you're ALMOST there! Looking forward to seeing her face and hearing all teh details. Hugs from MT.

  18. So sorry, I know this disappointment. This happenned to me at approximately the same time in 2007. I missed the cut-off by 2 days and even though I trully expected this, it still hurt. I believed God was doing this to empower my family and in faith I booked a vacation with my two older daughters for the week before I expected referrals to come out. It was the best choice for my two elder daughters and myself because I came back relaxed and calm. And this was a good thing because a) my agency was worried my referral would not come with my group (it did) because i had moved to another province and b)I got my referral a week later than the rest of my group (because it had to be sent to another provincial agency to be reviewed). I was able to feel comfort in knowing that my referral of my wonderful daughter Natalie would eventually come because of my faith (and a little extra knowledge from the RQ site did not hurt either) and I was calm during a time most people expected me to freak out. ...Hang in month is your time to see Hannah...and it is a day you will never forget (to be superceded only by the day you meet her). Its okay to be disappointed. Do something for yourself today that you really like doing.

    Take care. CTG from RQ.

  19. Think of it this way: I would rather miss by one day than four days...with it being so crazy lately, you definitely know you're next in line. Four days away...could be next month...could be the next...coulg be the next. YOU DEFINITELY KNOW YOU ARE NEXT! Yippee!

  20. ok, it's NEXT MONTH.....get all those last minute things done....YOU ARE NEXT!!!!!!!!!

  21. We are sooooo sorry you missed it by one day - I've been watching RQ so closely these days and send lots of hugs your way - August is going to be such an exciting month - YOU ARE NEXT!!!! No guessing or wondering this time - You will see Hannah for the first time in August!

  22. Although you are disappointed you have the knowledge of knowing you will be seeing your daughter's face next month...she is there waiting for you.

  23. Disappointing of course. But nothing like the certainty of knowing - you are NEXT.


    Can't wait to cheer for you and Hannah.

  24. First time commenter here. Our lid was 11-22-05 and we missed it by one day too. I expected it kind of like you did but was still disappointed. But I have to tell you it was a peaceful feeling knowing we were next. You don't have to worry how big the next batch is because it doesn't matter, you are in!! I will be watching for your announcement next month. You are in for so much fun and much more anticipation!! I have to admit as glad as I am that it is over for us I kind of miss it. Hang in there Mama.

  25. I'm sad that you did not get in this month bt you are right about Gods timing. This is all for a reason.
    For 100% sure you are next girly, no more fretting and wondering. The CCAA will have their hands on yor paperwork very soon!

  26. I know your heart is breaking but stay positive. You now know you are next! Whenever the next batch goes out, you are it!

    Have a good cry, a good drink, and even better dessert. Start thinking of a place you want to go before Hannah comes or some last minute thing you want to get done.

    When I was adopting LiLi, I had a clich too. I was suppose to be next. I missed the next batch by one day as well! I tried to keep a stiff upper lip and smile. Then the next month came and the unthinkable happened!! I was all ready and so excited thinking "Ok, this is it! I am next for sure!!".

    Well the guy in China that signs the adoption forms (THE ONLY GUY IN ALL OF CHINA!), went on vacation for a month and a half!!! I could not believe it! Well I was soooooo mad and cried for a day or two. One of the worst parts was having to tell my friends and family the same story over and OVER. Each time I think I cried more.

    In the end, it all worked out and I was next in line.

    Stay strong my friend. You will get to hold Hannah soon. You will be giving her kisses and hugs and all the pain will be washed away.

    I wish I could be there for you but know that there are plenty of people that are.



  27. Oh no, so close. I know how it feels. (We missed ours in May but like you,after the initail disappointment, I was almost relieved because then I KNEW we really were next.

    So, the agony of not knowing is over. There will be a few more agonizing moments to come but they will also be filled with joy!

  28. It is disappointing, but like you said "Your ARE next!!!" That must be a great feeling. It also gives you one more month to get things in order.

    Here's to next month!!!


  29. Catherine it is taking so long because CCAA is working on the perfect match for you. Keep the faith. Noella

  30. It's so disappointing but for the first time during this 40 months we know something for sure and that is that WE ARE NEXT, 100 % SURE OF THAT!

  31. Oh Catherine- I'm sorry! I'm glad you're letting yourself feel disapointed, you've had your head held high (still do!) through out this long, hard process and you are an inspiration to everyone waiting for a child. I don't comment much but I've been reading you for years and can NOT wait to see you with Hannah, you're going to be amazing. Although I wish it were this month, August WILL be the month of Hannah, and I CAN'T wait! Thinking of you and all of the others who so narrowly missed the cut off!

  32. Tough one Catherine but you have made it this far and can be strong just a little longer. All in God'd good time and what a blessing at the end! Keep busy and enjoy the beautiful summer.

  33. First time commenter here!! Keep focused on how beautiful Sept. - Oct. in China is going to be.

    What a Thankstgiving you are going to have!!!!

    Keep the faith.

  34. You are definitely next, yea hugs and chocolate kisses. Now finish up your "moving" of "stuff". October is a beautiful month in China and a great time to celebrate birthdays.

    wela pat

  35. My heart sank when I read this just now on RQ. I rushed right over here just to say that you are in my prayers today. Disappointment is hard, but boy will we party next month! :)
    Shelley in BC

  36. I was thinking of you when I saw the news.

    Dust off your pants and get ready for next month. For next month will be your month.

    get ready girly..
    Love ya..

  38. It does stink to be missed by one day! We were as well, but it also gave me great happiness to know that without a doubt, we were next!

    Enjoy the last month and spend it reading, researching and gathering mental strength for what you know you must do for your girl. She's worth it=0)

  39. Catherine, I'm so sorry. You have such a positive outlook...can't wait to see your little girl in your arms...soon!

  40. How exciting that next month, you'll be seeing your sweet girls face for the first time. So many are waiting each step of the way with you!

    God is so good.. all of the time. He has chosen just the right moment for each of you to become a family! :0)

  41. It so disappointing to know you did not make the cut off, but the good news in all of this is that there is no doubt you are next. The very same thing happened to us and although I was somewhat disappointed, I was able to rejoice in that fact that I knew the next time referrals came out mine would be there!!! Here is to a referral in the next batch, your sweet Hannah you will see!!!

  42. Been thinking about you, am disappointed that the 23rd is not included. Am keeping you in my prayers, that you remain at peace over the next month. You are now definitely next...Woo Hoo!!!!

  43. Oh Catherine!!

    Of course, the instant you lay eyes on your daughter's picture for the first time you'll know without any faintest shadow of a doubt the timing was just perfectly...well...PERFECT.
    But for now I'm sharing in your sense of disappointment. One day out. Bah!

    Are there some fun ways your commenters can help you to pass the next month? Anyone out there - any ideas?

    Anne (NZ)

  44. I'm so very sorry that you missed it by one day, but without a doubt you are NEXT! How incredible is that? I can't wait to see your Hannah's sweet face in a few short weeks!

  45. I know the feeling of having missed it by one day as well. UGH. BIG time. One more uphill on the roller coaster to China! But you've taken this bump with grace and -oh my goodness- your amazing referral day is a-comin' Catherine! And sooooooon! The hardest waiting part, IMO, is once you have her picture! That's another UGH! =) Hugs from Ellie & me.

  46. Well, I am very sorry that this wasn't your month. However, you are NEXT... which is amazing! I can only imagine how this must feel. Congratulations and best wishes for the last leg of this race. With lots of love, Lisa

  47. Ohhhhhhh sweet girl!! This really must have been a hard hard day for you!! One more month of waiting! I'm sure it will feel like the longest one yet but we are allllllllll going to be sooooooooooooo excited for you and rooting you on this LAST leg of the race!!! Whooooo-hoooooo!!!

    Love ya friend!!!!

  48. So sorry! Now for sure you can say I AM NEXT!

  49. Been following along on your blog from time to time and waiting to see your referral news. Will be watching and waiting next month. You are so close to Hannah now! Psalm 40:1


  50. Well it is not over yet...however if you do miss it by a day,then next month as you have already stated will be without uncertainty be THE MONTH...YOUR MONTH!!!I have already stated that I believe miss Hannah is from the same provience as R&R.....??????? Ya never know!!

  51. But you are definitely next! We missed by one day too.... we were June 29th and they got through June 28th. You hang in there... YOU ARE NEXT!!

  52. Catherine, during our wait, Psalm 68:5-6 held a special place in our hearts. "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families..."

    This month's wait is not a surprise to Him! Your Hannah is not quite ready to be presented to her mommy. Hannah's heavenly father will place her with her special forever family in His perfect timing. What a comfort and a joy!

    We truly know from our adoption experience that God's plans for us seem a little crazy at times! However, Gracie has brought more joy and love to our hearts and home than we could have imagined.

    Looking forward to August!

  53. Ooooh, we are disappointed too!!! But God's perfect timing, oh how we have all learned that!

    AT least we know that NEXT MONTH, we see Hannah!!!! I cannot wait. Hmmm, feeling that joy??? Uh HUH!

    Hugs to you and prayers for extra patience as you endure the coming days.


  54. An emotional roller coaster for sure! But the baby you call Hannah and bring home to love forever will only be Hannah because of this one last long sprint to the finish line!


    Our blog: Double Happiness!

  55. Catherine:

    You are a delight to your Heavenly Father. He is sooo stinkin' proud of the way you shine for Him!!

    Next month, no doubt it is YOUR TURN!! For sure. Certainty.

    And all the waiting will somehow make sense when you see your precious Hannah's face. The red threads. The thumbprints of God.

    We are all so excited for you, dear sister. Our prayers go with you on this journey to Hannah.

  56. Catherine,
    I am so sorry for you today. I know that you have had a difficult day, but I want you to know how inspiring your faith and trust in God has been to me during this whole wait. You will certainly be blessed beyond measure because of your faithfulness. I can't wait till next month to see what your precious blessing looks like!


  57. sorry. But...August is a great month...and just around the corner!!!!!

    Today my blog post was on this verse, "...though I fall, I will rise again." Micah 7:8 He will pick you up and carry you. You're almost there!!!!

    Love your perspective!! You ARE next and God's timing is always perfect!!!!!! Wonder what special plans He has for you this month in the waiting? Be watching!!!


  58. Hang in there girl.....I know you must be disappointed, but YOU ARE NEXT!!!!

    Sending hugs from PA,


  59. Oh sweetie... this happen to me too!! I know this is really hard but there is peace in knowing you are most definitely NEXT!!! NEXT NEXT NEXT!!! Huge hugs!!!

  60. Ugh!!! I kept hoping and hoping for July. Sending you huge hugs and massive empathy. Ok, first things first: have a big huge cry, eat a ton of chocolate, kick the cat*, then have a good long nap. Repeat as many times as necessary and then go on to step two. Step two: party your butt off because you FINALLY have a due date!!!!! You are becoming a mama in August 2009. Whoooeeeeeeeee!

    * Legal disclaimer: the mama-to-be does not have a cat, I was just kidding

  61. Oh Hannah's mommy, I empathize. I have been there too. Just know that you are getting your daughter when you are supposed to. Not sooner, not later. It is how God does it. He gives us our hearts desire when we are supposed to have it. Not necessarily when we want it. She will be perfect for you. She will be the one you are supposed to have and you will be the one she is supposed to have. All part of his plan.
    Take time to get the things done you need to get done now cuz in a month your life is a changin'. Wooooo hoooo.
    Hang in there. You are next.

    Godspeed to China

  62. Oh man, so disappointed that it didn't happen this month.

  63. This month had all of us on the edge didn't it.

    Next month. Wow.

  64. So disappointing, but at the same time now you can SCREAM "I am NEXT"!

    and when someone asks you when you will see Hannah's face for the first time you can scream "AUGUST"!

    big hugs to you!

  65. The SAME thing happened to us, and, although we were more at the beginning of the slowdown...our wait went from an expected six months to 15 was agonizing, nonetheless. One stinkin' day. Bleh.

    Even though I don't know you personally, I'm pretty sure you've already shaken it off for the most part. NOW the fun really begins! I see from the comments that you've been advised to start packing and organizing for the trip. I couldn't agree more! I was packing for six and nearly lost my mind, so you're in better shape there! :-) Really, though, don't you just want to spend next month carrying around 8x10s of your referral pix, wearing a cheesy grin? I did!

    SO happy that it's almost here!

  66. We missed by one day too when it was getting close to our LID. I wouldn't have it any other way since we got our beautiful Sophie.

    Like M3 said she got her twins by missing the cut off by one day.

    You will be NEXT!!!!!

  67. Hang in there , Catherine !
    I guess I am one of the M3 six degrees of separation bloggers. That and RQ...
    Been hoping to hear that this was your (& Hannah's ) month!

    Greetings from Lazytown and Yo gabba gabba land!
    June : )

  68. I saw that "rumor" and thought of you. sorry you have to wait 1 more month...but knowing you are next must be such a great feeling!!! He has a plan for you and Hannah having to wait 1 extra month to be together. :)

  69. Hugs from another missed-by-one-dayer". (We have now been home with our daughter for about 4 months.) I recall the sting (okay it was more than a sting) of missing by a day, but the relative certainty of being next in such an otherwise uncertain process really brought about some peace. Hoping for the same for you!

  70. You are next !
    I am sad but happy for you too.

  71. You are next!! The child of your heart is almost here! When I read that on your blog it really struck me and Katie Starr and Ethan always tell me that I am the mama of their heart. I have never said that to them...they just know. Your daughter will too.

  72. Back in April 2007, there was a two day batch, missing my lid by one day. I was a complete basketcase, but that was early days for ccaa to be toying with our emotions (heh), however,I rallied in a day or two. :)

    And you're right, knowing your NEXT is a wonderful feeling!

    Enjoy this last month! Hold onto your heart, Catherine!

    dd Sunshine 8 Viet Nam
    dd Brilliance 3 Fuling China

  73. As soon as I received notification from our agency that March 22 was the cutoff, I said a prayer for you. I knew you would be sad... Already looking forward to August because we KNOW that Hannah's face will appear!!

  74. Oh Catherine I know that a tiny piece of your heart is broken but at least you know that YOU are NEXT!!!! Nobody can pass you by this time! Giant hugs are coming your way!!!

    Love, Kristy

  75. I am SO glad you are next but in my own selfishness, all I could think about was how COOL, totally COOL it would have been to hang with you in Guangzhou since I got my LOA yesterday (LOA is the same as you getting a match). I moped around the house, literally, saying to Garth who had come over to celebrate, "But man- can you imagine hanging out and us getting to meet each other's kids... IN CHINA??"... but YOU teach me how to keep it positive- and I love you for that.

    I was so so hoping we'd see each other on the other side of the world.

    But now, I'll have to sit back from home and follow you there and back :O) While hectically keeping up with new life as a mom~!!

  76. Sorry about missing the cutoff...but it's so awesome that you are NEXT!

  77. For some unknown reason, bloglines didn't update for a few days *shocker* but we were also "on deck" for a referral the first time China started splitting for referrals. Now, I know our wait was NOTHING compared to those of you waiting now and I certainly am not complaining, but I'll never forget the disappointment to find out that we missed it by a day. Only thing I can say is I can't imagine having any other kid but Olivia to call my own.

    I wish you well and August is a fantastic month to be Hannah month! Not to mention it will be cooler when you travel :)


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