3 Years Ago Today...

...as I was on vacation in Vancouver, BC and sat in a hotel room, I was having my quiet time with God. I was praying for family and friends at home, Sharon who had recently left the hotel to go to work and I was asking God to reveal the plans He had for my life. What a day that was to be a God made clear the plans He had for my life!

On January 11, 2005 God showed me that I would adopt a baby girl from China. It was a still small voice in my heart but very much there! I knew that this is what God had for me and I was so excited! In that moment, the baby that I had prayed for for as long as I could remember changed from having blonde hair to beautiful raven black hair and almond shaped eyes! She didn't have a name yet but I knew that someday I would be mommy to a daughter from China.

You can imagine the surprise Sharon received when she returned home from work that night and I excitedly told her that I was going to adopt a baby girl from China! Ummm...probably not what she thought I'd be telling her after being gone only 8 hours! :o)

I called Mom and Dad the same day and they were onboard 100% from the very beginning! Mom even shared that this is something she had prayed about for me but had never mentioned to me. How neat to think that God was already working in Mom's heart and prayers even before I knew what His plans were!

That week as I was in Vancouver I began to seek out information on the Internet. There was a little Internet place across from the hotel and I spent many, many hours in there. I found out that there were 3 agencies in Ontario who did adoptions from China but when I contacted each of them the news was the same and it was not good. As a single I would need to go on a singles waiting list and currently the wait to get onto the waiting list was 3-5 years! That was tough to hear! You can imagine my delight and excitement when just 2 1/2 weeks later I was once again speaking with Deborah at Open Arms and she said that she had room for me on her singles waiting list!! God had opened the first of many doors to allow the adoption to proceed and, much sooner than I had understood it would. She told me that the wait to begin my paperchase would probably be about 10 months but guess what...only 4 months later (the day before my birthday) Deborah told me that I could begin my paperchase! What a birthday gift that was!! Another door opened and another blessing poured out!

In preparing this post I've taken a look back over the notes that I kept in my devotional journal at the time. Much of what was written 3 years ago is still very applicable today.

In February 2005 I wrote,

'Sometimes when delays come with the adoption I wonder what I can do to speed up the process. Instead, I need to trust God that my paperwork will go to China at exact the perfect time for the daughter I has chosen for me.'

I still believe that my file was logged with CCAA on March 23, 2006 for a reason. That is the exact day that it should have been. Not a day sooner, nor one day later.

I don't remember the exact date that my precious baby girl became 'Hannah' but sometime in either February or early March 2005, Hannah she became. As a girl in my teens and 20's I remember a slip of paper I kept on my dresser with possible names that I would name a child in the future. I don't remember Hannah being on that list but I do know that the baby girl I wait for is Hannah.

In March, after having chosen her name, my devotional book studied the life of Hannah. It was amazing how Hannah's story paralleled my own. Hannah knew that if her barrenness was to end, it must end by the hand of God. As a single woman who believes that sexual relations are for within marriage, having a child of my own is not possible in the natural way. Rather than give birth to a child, God has chosen to allow me to become a mother by bringing my life together with a child that He is preparing on the other side of the world.

My prayer on March 22, 2005 is the same today as it was when I wrote it down then:

'Dear Lord, I thank you that you have layed on my heart the desire to be a mom. I give this desire back to you. May you bring it to be in your time. I lay my adoption at your feet. I thank you for the peace you have brought about this decision. I will follow you completely and allow you to decide when this adoption will take place in the future. I trust you and I love you. Amen'

Being perfectly honest with you friends, the past few days have been very difficult ones. Little things add up to a lot. CC*AA's decision to take down the information box from their homepage was a surprise. We were told 14 months ago that this would happen but I was lulled into a sense of security when month after month it remained and was updated. It's not a bad thing that it's gone, just a surprise that needed to be dealt with in my heart. The lengthening wait times and unknowns of the upcoming Olympics are also challenging some days.

But, today I am thankful to read back over God's leading each and every step along the way. Just reading my journal and being reminded of what I felt as He layed Hannah on my heart has given me renewed strength to continue the journey to my precious baby girl. God is leading and I'm following Him each and every step of the way. God is good!!